The Second Reason Why I'm Catholic: I think God talks to me but maybe that's not so crazy here's why
I don’t think I’m a prophet. I don’t think I’m God, and some days, I don’t even think I’m a particularly good person. But I do believe God talks to me.
In my late twenties, I hit my head—hard. It was a concussion that went undiagnosed, and I went to the hospital over and over but they couldn't find the cause of my pain or what was happening to me. It spiraled into a psychosis that eventually left me living on the streets. I spent my days wandering, lost in a literal and mental fog. One afternoon, standing on a sidewalk and wondering what on earth I was doing, I decided I needed to learn how to survive. I saw a man with blackened teeth who was clearly homeless, and I approached him to ask for his "roadmap." I asked where he was going next and what he was doing, thinking I could learn how to be like him.
He took one look at my teeth and said, "Don't worry, things are going to look up for you."
In my darkest, most confused hour, this man showed me an unreal amount of kindness. He gave me hope when I was looking for a way to give up. He might have been just a man, but in that moment, the message he gave me felt like it came from somewhere much higher. And now I am finally learning how to be more like Him.
I went to Saint Joseph's Hospital, and they've helped me again and again. They've discovered I've got fused vertebrae, psoriasis, and unfortunately they've had to remove my uterus and ovaries, but they've treated me with dignity and kindness and found ways to treat my palsy. I could be upset about my condition, I could threaten or be angry at the healthcare system for not knowing sooner, but I wouldn't do that, because you'd have to foot the bill and I don't think that'd be right. As a differently abled person, I can contribute even though I can't get a job in the traditional sense. One way to make money is to save money. You see, I'm just a regular person who didn't get to choose but Christ is Raging Health.
The Universal Breath of Life
I’ve thought a lot about that moment and what it means to be inspired. If you look at the etymology, the word comes from the Latin inspirare, which literally means "to blow into" or "to breathe into." In the ancient sense, to be inspired was to have the divine spirit breathe its own life into a human vessel. It is the spiritus—the breath—entering the lungs of someone who has run out of air. Etymologically, inspiration is the Holy Spirit giving you life, when you're inspired and you give creative life to something, you're living in His image.
I believe that even if that man wasn't aware of it, he was a vessel for that breath. And I believe that same spirit talks to you, too.
Catholicism is Truth to me, but you don't have to be Catholic to be inspired. Creativity has a divine aspect to it, and Art that appeals to all of us as human beings is the most beautiful because it's the most healthy.
Personally, I don't have much: I have these words, but if I could I would protect you I would help you. If I was able oh how I would help you, how I would feed you.
